https://my.bible.com/events/41487577

Relationship Rules: The Virtue of Patience
Today we wrap up our “Relationship Rules” series with the importance of patience in our interactions with others. Thanks for joining in!

Rule #1
When it comes to relationships, it’s not about me.

Rule #2
A relationship is no better than the empathy that people share.

Rule #3
Sin does not just hurt my relationship with God.

Rule #4
People are always asking for your patience, only sometimes with words.

Ephesians 4:1-2
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

-Our call to patience in our relationships is essential, but not without it’s challenges
-Specifically, embracing patience in our relationships will challenge us in the following ways:

1. My Timeline (hurry)

“Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.” Dallas Willard

-Busyness has become a badge of honor; for many of us, to be busy is to be important
-Besides the obvious concerns that this culture of hurry is bad for us personally, it is also destructive to our relationships
-To give patience the final word in our relationships means to resist a culture that is overwhelmed with hurry

2. My Power (control)

-We crave control, but on this journey to pursue healthier relationships, we must recognize that we can’t control others
-Paul’s reminder to “be completely humble and gentle” should remind us of the posture of Jesus (Philippians 2)
-Understanding the nuances of the Greek word for patience is important; one scholar defined it as “the power to take revenge, but never doing so”

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.” David G. Allen

-You can practice patience, or you can seek control, but you can’t do both

3. My Scorecard (admitting defeat)

-Biblically, we are reminded that “love is patient” and “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
-The power of patience in our relationships is to actually stop keeping score of others’ offenses
-Biblically, patience also encompassed the idea of “long-suffering”, meaning to carry through until the end
-The Spirit that gives us patience does not admit defeat, but persists to the end

Scriptures for further study/reflection:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Galatians 5:22-26
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

http://bible.com/events/40658809

Rule #3

Sin does not just hurt my relationship with God.

We are defining purity as “seeking God’s best for me – heart, mind and body” 

Colossians 3:5-14

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian slave or free but Christ is all, and is in all. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Our purity matters to God 

-He is a holy God and as His children, we are also called to be holy 

-Paul lists specific examples of the behaviors and attitudes we must take off in order to clothe ourselves with God’s best for us

-The act of purifying is God’s work 

                -we are not the ones trying to purify ourselves

                -we cannot take off the old and put on the new by ourselves 

-The act of purifying is God’s inner work 

                -Jesus did not come into the world simply because we had bad habits that needed to be broken. He came into the world because we had  dirty hearts that needed to be purified.

                -This is not about behavior modification, it’s transformation from the inside out

Our purity matters to God, and it impacts those around us 

-We often view sin as personal, but miss the impact it has on those around us 

-Lust distorts our view of others and poisons our minds, replacing meaningful relationships with a facade 

-Greed causes us to compare ourselves to others and to view our relationships in terms of what we can get from them 

-Lying causes trust to be broken and destroys the foundation of the relationships that matter most 

 It is impossible to build a life of righteousness on a foundation of sin.

 Ephesians 5:8-11

8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 

-Oftentimes our posture towards sin in our lives is to minimize it, to excuse, to hide it, or to justify it. 

-But God doesn’t want us to minimize sin, rather He wants to expose it in our lives so He can bring healing.  

-A posture of hiding brings shame, and shame will destroy our relationships. 

Scripture for further reflection:

Psalm 139:23

“Search me, O God, a know my heart.  Test me, know my anxious thoughts.  See if there be any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting” 

Matthew 5:8

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God

1 Corinthians 13

http://bible.com/events/39735145

Relationship Rules

Week 2- The Art of Caring

Rule #2: A relationship can be no better than the empathy that two people share 

Part 2 of this series is all about empathy

• We are talking about ALL relationships
• Sympathy is feeling at someone while empathy is feeling with someone

John 11:32-44

³² When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”³³ When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ³⁴ “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied.³⁵ Jesus wept.

³⁶ Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” ³⁷ But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

³⁸ Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. ³⁹ “Take away the stone,” he said.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” ⁴⁰ Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” ⁴¹ So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴² I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” ⁴³ When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” ⁴⁴ The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”

Three truths for today

1. Empathy is not reserved for the circumstances that we agree with.
2. We don’t empathize to change people.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”  – Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

3. Empathy without compassion is meaningless.

http://bible.com/events/38881650

We are kicking off a series on relationships 

• To be clear…we are taking about ALLof our close relationships – friends, family members, church family, spouse, etc.
• Jesus commanded that we love each other. (John 13:34-35) 
• This series will look at 4 specific qualities needed for healthy relationships. In other words, you can’t “love one another” without committing to these four things.  
• We are sharing these attributes as rules, especially 4 rules to guide you in your relationships 

Rule #1

When it comes to relationships, it’s not about me.

Philippians 2:1-8

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, humility in value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: ⁶ Who, being in very natureGod, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;⁷ rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very natureof a servant,  being made in human likeness. ⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! 

• This letter is written to a church that was experiencing disruption within their relationships, and ultimately the source was a focus on self.  
  • Selfish ambition…working to advance self
  • Personal prestige….thedesire for the attention and applause 
• Often we see the example of someone looking for the interests of others above themself as extreme, but that is not the example of the extreme, but rather the standard. 
  • Why is this the standard? Because it is what Jesus did.
  • Why did Jesus do it? Because that’s what love is. (John 15:13)

Almost every sinful act begins with a focus on self. 

• The truth about selfishness is it’s a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. 
• God wants to liberate us from the “me first” way of living and transform our relationships. 
• Imagine what a relationship could look like when each person has the other’s best interests in mind. 

Other Texts for Study/Reflection:

1 Corinthians 13 

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Ephesians 4:29-32

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

http://bible.com/events/37680806

Romans 8:1-4

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set youfree from the law of sin and death.  ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.^[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 

Romans 8:1-2 (week 1 review) 

• Paul is facing the battle between pleasing self and pleasing God
• Ultimately Paul cannot win this battle on his own, but because of Christ we have been set free and we are no longer condemned 

Romans: 3-4 (week 2 review) 

• The law alone could not save us.  We couldn’t be good enough, moral enough, or religious enough to save ourselves. 
• We understand the failure of the law, but also the success of Christ. 

Romans 8:5-8

⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶ The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. ⁸ Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

• There is a person whose mind is focused on flesh (on self)
  • I ultimately pursue what I want 
  • I take what I want when I want
  • Whatever makes me feel good 
• There is a life whose mind is focused on the spirit 
  • In step with what God desires 
  • In step with how God leads and directs 
• While there is nothing wrong with hard work and determination, our flesh alone has never had the power to transform us. The flesh cannot do what the Spirit alone can.  

• This section of Romans 8:1-8 is the “so what” section.
• (Part 1) IF there is now no condemnation for those in Christ……so what? 
• (Part 2) IF Jesus freed you, doing what the law couldn’t do……so what?
  • What do you do about that today?
    • The answer to that question is found in your mind
      • What you think about
      • Your response to your emotions
      • What compels you, what role you allow the Holy Spirit to play in driving you

Romans 12:1-2

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed  by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Bottom Line:

The change God wants to make in you starts in your mind

What would it look like to take an inventory of your mind….

• What do you spend your time looking at or listening to?
• What do you read and study?
• How do you manage your thought and feeling life? (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
• How do you respond to hardship or suffering?
• How would others describe you? (Faithful? Patient? Joyful?) (Galatians 5:22-23)

The Hope of Holiness is that holiness is not something we do, but something God does in us.  We believe it is a focus on our outward actions, cleaning up the outside. But God wants to transform us from the inside out. 

Other Texts for Reflection:

2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Galatians 5:22-23