https://www.bible.com/events/49215060

Church of the Nazarene – Harrisonburg

Healing Fractured Relationships, Part 3: Rejection

No one can ever reject you as powerfully as God accepts you.

Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling “Healing Fractured Relationships”. Together we are seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that’s who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God’s Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

Every single person knows something of today’s topic: rejection.

If you were to call to mind a time when you were rejected, there is probably still an ache associated with that.

But take heart, early on in your Bibles, not far from the very beginning, is one of the most profound cases of rejection in history.

It’s the story of a man named Joseph.

Genesis 37:17-28

“They have moved on from here,” the man answered. “I heard them say, ‘Let’s go to Dothan.’ ” So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him. “Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.” When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing— and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it. As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt. Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.

Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery and fabricate a lie to tell their father Joseph was killed by a wild animal.

Chapter 37 concludes with one final farewell note.

“Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard.”

Rejected. Sent away unwanted. For Joseph’s brothers, this rejection seemed final.

But rejection was not final for Joseph, because man’s rejection does not equal God’s rejection.

It’s important to acknowledge what we are experiencing physically, mentally and emotionally when we feel rejection.

Data suggests that our brains interpret rejection like we would actual physical pain. Our bodies are hardwired to respond to rejection.

But with the pain of rejection, researchers have found that the pain is ‘re-lived’ over and over. The body and brain can respond multiple times over and over in a similar way as that emotional pain is experienced again and again. Rejection, quite literally, hurts.

It can cause our minds to fill with negative emotions, like guilt or shame.

We have thoughts like:

‘I’m not worthy’

‘I’m broken or flawed. No one could love me.’

‘I always mess up. I’m never enough.’

We have to acknowledge these negative thoughts and emotions, but if we get stuck there then we are often blinded to God’s truth.

Somewhere in the life of Joseph, he made a difficult but life-changing decision. We don’t know exactly when, but it’s clear somewhere along the way he decided to trust God in the midst of his hurt.

The hurt and pain of a rejection so unthinkable was real for him, but in spite of that, he chose to trust God’s promises.

Genesis 41:39-40

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.”

Genesis 50:15-21

When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Joseph’s life could have been so much different, right?

Rejection could have ruled him, instead, redemption did.

Jesus Himself understood what it was to be rejected.

Isaiah 53:1-3

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

God has a way of turning rejection into redemption.Jesus, the rejected one, is now in the glory of Heaven, with you on His mind.

One of the reasons the story of Joseph is one of the most significant in the Old Testament: in this life, the rejectors don’t get the last word.

“Every ounce of rejection you have faced was God grabbing your shoulders, positioning you into the proper direction, and moving you forward.”

Amy Klutinoty

The bottom line:

No one on can ever reject you as powerfully as God accepts you.

Verses for further study/reflection:

1 Peter 2:4

Psalm 34:17-20

John 15:18

Psalm 27:10

Psalm 94:14

Isaiah 53:3

Updates on the new Waynesboro campus

God is inviting us to step out in faith to plant a Spanish-speaking campus in the Waynesboro community. Join us on the journey!

Check out the link below for more information and for frequent updates throughout the journey.

Waynesboro

Giving at COTN

If you ever have questions or need help with online giving, please let us know: finance@cotnaz.org Thank you for your partnership in building the Kingdom of Christ as you impact others!

Giving

https://www.bible.com/events/49214245

Church of the Nazarene – East Rock

Healing Fractured Relationships, Part 3: Rejection

Past rejection doesn’t have the power to define our future- God does.

==========

Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling “Healing Fractured Relationships”. Together we are seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that’s who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God’s Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

The chances are every single person knows something of today’s topic: REJECTION

If I asked you to call to mind a time when you were rejected…there is probably still an ache associated with that.

But take heart, early on in your Bibles, not far from the very beginning, is one of the most profound cases of rejection in history.

It’s the story of a man named Joseph.

Genesis 37:19-28

“Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.” When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing— and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it. As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt. Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed. So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.

Joseph was one of 12 sons born to Jacob in the Old Testament.

This family is descendant from Abraham, and through them Jesus would ultimately come.

Joseph was #11 of 12, and he was his father’s favorite.

One day his father had sent Joseph to check on his brothers in the fields, and vs 19-20 records their true feelings when they see him coming through the field.

Josephs brothers sell him into slavery and fabricate a lie to tell their father Joseph was killed by a wild animal.

Chapter 37 concludes the rejections scene with one final farewell note.

Verse 36 reads: Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard.

Rejected. Sent away unwanted. For Joseph’s brothers, rejection seemed final.

But rejection was not final for Joseph, because man’s rejection, does not equal God’s rejection.

Rejection in your past only has the power you give it over your future.

Rejection strikes at the very core of our created being. And it hurts.

We were created for connection, for relationship, to live with a sense of belonging and rejection cuts deeply into those most basic human longings.

Data that suggests that our brains interpret rejection like we would actual physical pain. Our bodies are hardwired to respond to rejection.

It can cause our minds to fill with negative emotions, like guilt or shame.

It causes an increase in aggression or anger.

From there, it can often spill over into lashing out, seeking revenge.

We don’t choose rejection, Joseph certainly didn’t, but we do have a choice in what we do with those feelings, we have a choice in how we respond.

In fact, what we learn is that God will turn the rejection in our lives into redemption, if we will trust him. We see that all over Joseph’s story.

Genesis 39:1-5

Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh’s officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there. The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.

The Lord was with Joseph. The one who was utterly, bitterly, completely rejected by his brothers- the Lord is with him.

Friends, if you don’t hear anything else today, I want you to stop right here and here this truth: You may be rejected by people here on this broken earth, but your Father in Heaven says “never will I leave you nor forsake you.”

Joseph seems to have come to a place of acceptance. Not accepting of the evil and abusive behavior- that was never ok. But joseph seems to have come to the place of accepting the reality that rejection will come in relationship. It will hurt. It will be confusing, heartbreaking.

But he also knows- man’s rejection doesn’t have the power to define our future. Joseph never equated how his brothers treated him with how God would.

Genesis 39:19-23

When his master heard the story his wife told him, saying, “This is how your slave treated me,” he burned with anger. Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. So the warden put Joseph in charge of all those held in the prison, and he was made responsible for all that was done there. The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the Lord was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.

In learning to trust God through rejection, Joseph even found favor while he was in prison. Make no mistake about it- he was in jail. Let’s not lose sight of the difficulty of this rejection journey.

And friends, in our rejection stories and circumstances- Just because it’s rough, even though its hard and it hurts- the Lord is with you. None of those things are a sign of God’s absence.

Mans rejection doesn’t separate us from God.

Through a series of events Joseph is called before the King of Egypt to interpret a dream. The king is so impressed by the favor that God has given Joseph that he puts Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt.

He has only to answer to the King himself.

From the pit, to the prison, to the palace- God was with Joseph.

Do you know that there are some who allow the rejection of their past to rule their lives in the present?

– Some allow the FEAR of rejection to prevent them from ever truly living.

– Some continue to give past rejection the power over their present, and they completely miss out on what God has in store for them.

What about you? How are you responding to rejection?

Rejection can be the end, but it doesn’t have to be.

Joseph didn’t allow rejection to define his future- and you don’t have to either.

Past rejection does not have the power define your future-Only God does.

Will you trust Him today with your rejection?

Updates on the new Waynesboro campus

God is inviting us to step out in faith to plant a Spanish-speaking campus in the Waynesboro community. Join us on the journey!

Check out the link below for more information and for frequent updates throughout the journey.

Waynesboro

Giving at COTN

If you ever have questions or need help with online giving, please let us know: finance@cotnaz.org Thank you for your partnership in building the Kingdom of Christ as you impact others!

Giving

https://www.bible.com/events/49211840

Church of the Nazarene – Harrisonburg

Healing Fractured Relationships, Part 2: Betrayal

Jesus knows what it’s like to be betrayed.

Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling “Healing Fractured Relationships”. Together we are seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that’s who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God’s Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

Today, we focus on the topic of betrayal, and the damage it creates in our relationships.

Today we are talking about betrayal. So long as we engage in relationships here on earth, it’s likely we will encounter betrayal. But what is it?

Betrayal in its most simple definition is a broken or abused trust. All of us have experienced betrayal at some point in our lives.

But our response to betrayal is always a choice we make.

Today, we want to journey together to see Jesus’ response to betrayal, even when it came from one of his closest friends.

Luke 22:54-62

Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. And when some there had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.” But he denied it. “Woman, I don’t know him,” he said. A little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” “Man, I am not!” Peter replied. About an hour later another asserted, “Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.” Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

If we didn’t now what we know, it would have been fair to ask at that moment: Is that the end of Peter?

It’s almost unimaginable: betraying Jesus as he was sentenced to his death.

But as we jump ahead to the conclusion of the story (John 21), we see how Jesus responds. After his death and then resurrection, how would Jesus respond to his betrayer?

John 21:10-17

Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

When we experience betrayal, there are often two things we seek:

1. JUSTICE

-When someone we trust hurts us, we want justice. This is often why our instinct is to hurt someone back, because that appears to be just.

-We cannot seek restoration, because we want justice, we expect justice, and we won’t be content until it happens.

2. REVENGE

-Revenge takes justice a step further: justice is you getting what I think you deserve, but revenge is me playing an active role in that.

-If thoughts of justice and revenge flood your mind when you think about these fractured relationships in your life, you’re not alone. That is how the world around us lives and responds. But as we’ve been learning, we aren’t called to live and respond how the world around us does.

John 13:34-35

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

The truth is, we are all just like Peter.

The Bible says that we all have fallen short of God’s glory, and the truth is, at one point in our lives, we all betrayed the heart of God.

The Father understands betrayal far more than we could ever imagine.

And how did God respond?

Does the rest of the story of God outline his intentional plan to seek out revenge on those who betrayed Him?

Quite the opposite. From the moment of that first betrayal, God’s plan of redemption began.

Verses for further study/reflection:

Matthew 27:3-4

Matthew 6:14-15

Mark 11:25

Mark 13:12

Luke 23:33-23

John 13:34-35

Ephesians 4:32

Updates on the new Waynesboro campus

God is inviting us to step out in faith to plant a Spanish-speaking campus in the Waynesboro community. Join us on the journey!

Check out the link below for more information and for frequent updates throughout the journey.

Waynesboro

Giving at COTN

If you ever have questions or need help with online giving, please let us know: finance@cotnaz.org Thank you for your partnership in building the Kingdom of Christ as you impact others!

Giving

https://www.bible.com/events/49210974

Church of the Nazarene – East Rock

Healing Fractured Relationships, Part 2: Betrayal

Jesus knows what it’s like to be betrayed.

Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling “Healing Fractured Relationships”. Together we are seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that’s who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God’s Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

Mark 14:43-50

Just as he was speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, appeared. With him was a crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests, the teachers of the law, and the elders. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him and lead him away under guard.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Rabbi!” and kissed him. The men seized Jesus and arrested him. Then one of those standing near drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear. “Am I leading a rebellion,” said Jesus, “that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I was with you, teaching in the temple courts, and you did not arrest me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled.” Then everyone deserted him and fled.

Betrayal. It’s one of the worst words in the English language.

And you know that, especially if you’ve experienced it

Betrayal is said to be one of the worst kinds of emotional pain a human being can experience. Betrayal comes from broken or abused trust.

It’s often caused by those in close relationship with us. And it hurts.

At first glance you might say that Jesus didn’t respond to his betrayal.

While it’s true he didn’t respond like we might, he responded showing us a different way.

Jesus responds to the worst most famous betrayal in human history in a way that still confounds the typical human. His response isn’t man’s response to the pain of betrayal – it’s God’s.

Today we are talking about betrayal. So long as we engage in relationships here on earth, it’s likely we will encounter betrayal. But what is it?

Betrayal in its most simple definition it’s a broken or abused trust.

In our relationships betrayal can be little white lies, hidden secrets or problems. Little mini betrayals, all serving to erode the foundation of trust.

Betrayal can also be huge. Infidelity in a close and personal relationship. Getting passed over for the promotion at work after being promised it was yours. Broken promises and plans

Betrayal can also be an accident. Sometimes it comes through a stupid mistake, something we didn’t intend.

On purpose or by accident, big or small, betrayal always hurts, and it always threatens to fracture a relationship. Whether we are betrayed or not is usually out of our control.

But our response to betrayal is always a choice we make.

Today, we want to journey together to see Jesus’ response to betrayal not just to Judas, but also to the betrayal of a close friend.

Luke 22:56-62

A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.” But he denied it. “Woman, I don’t know him,” he said. A little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” “Man, I am not!” Peter replied. About an hour later another asserted, “Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.” Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Peter never thought he would end up here. Judas, sure- he sold Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver. But not Peter. Even though Jesus tried to warn him, Peter never saw it coming. Betrayal, of the worst kind, in the worst moment.

How would you respond if you were in Jesus shoes?

Jesus doesn’t seek revenge, doesn’t lash out, he doesn’t belittle Peter for his lack of faith. From here, the narrative turns away from Peter and follows Jesus through the crucifixion.

If we didn’t now what we know, it would have been fair to ask at that moment: Is that the end of Peter?

John 21:7-17

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

How did Jesus respond to betrayal?

By extending grace- by forgiving- by restoring relationship

Friends, that’s the same choice he made when we betrayed him.

Each and every one of us has betrayed Christ- with bad decisions, selfish actions and greedy hearts. We are all betrayers How did Christ respond to you?

Wherever you are in your journey with betrayal, can I offer you one compassionate truth from today? Jesus knows what it’s like to be betrayed.

He knows the pain your going through, he knows the feelings your processing, he knows.

Will you trust him in the midst of your pain? Will you tell him how you feel, let it all out, don’t hold back.

The truth is, you can’t respond to betrayal like Jesus, without Jesus. He’s the only source of such power. If you know full well the pain of being betrayed, will you bring that before the Lord and begin the journey to laying it down?

Say to your Savior, “Lord, you’re the expert in handling betrayal, so I give you mine today.”

Jesus knows what it’s like to be betrayed, you can trust him with yours.

Updates on the new Waynesboro campus

God is inviting us to step out in faith to plant a Spanish-speaking campus in the Waynesboro community. Join us on the journey!

Check out the link below for more information and for frequent updates throughout the journey.

Waynesboro

Giving at COTN

If you ever have questions or need help with online giving, please let us know: finance@cotnaz.org Thank you for your partnership in building the Kingdom of Christ as you impact others!

Giving

https://www.bible.com/events/49207629

Church of the Nazarene – Harrisonburg & East Rock

Healing Fractured Relationships, Part 1: Conflict

See every conflict as an opportunity to deepen your love for one another.

Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling “Healing Fractured Relationships”. Together we are seeking the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that’s who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

The questions we are asking together:

“Lord, what do you have to say about the people in my life who are hurting the most?”

“Lord, what do you have to say about the people in my life who have hurt me the most?”

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God’s Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

Today we begin with the topic of conflict. What does God’s Word have to say to us about dealing with conflict in our relationships?

While we may not enjoy conflict, the truth is, we need it.

I began with an idea that may seem puzzling to you, but it’s true: we need conflict. Specifically, we need healthy conflict that we can work through together.

The closest relationships in your life aren’t the ones where you’ve avoided conflict, instead you’ve addressed it in a healthy way and worked through it.

Philippians 2:1-8

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

In his letter to the church in Philippi, Paul has a lot to say about relationships. And almost immediately, he address selfishness. Biblically, selfishness is poison to Godly relationships.

The greek word for humility in verse 3 really refers to “humility of mind” or “having a humble opinion of oneself.”

Two of the most common responses that we have to conflict are:

1. We want to AVOID

-We avoid conflict, avoid the hard things, ignore the problems, and pretend like it’s all good. hen we ignore conflict, it doesn’t go away. It doesn’t just resolve. It builds.

-When we ignore conflict, it doesn’t go away. Often it gets worse.

-But also, avoiding conflict is not obedient to God’s Word. It does not help us pursue “having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.”

2. We want to WIN

-We see conflict not as an opportunity for restoration or healing, but as an opportunity to win.

-In our nature, we all like to win! We desperately want to be the one who’s right! And this translates into how we address conflict.

-But Biblically, a call to humility is not a call to win.

How To Turn a Disagreement into a Feud

1. Be sure to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind.

2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.

3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do most of the talking.

4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you. But do not take steps to initiate such conversation.

5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you.

6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any angry words.

7. If the discussion should, alas, become serious, view the issue as a win/lose struggle. Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender.

The ultimate problem:

In a relationship, if one person loses, the relationship loses.

Paul’s words point us to the first step:

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus”

-The foundation of Godly relationships begins with a new mindset.

-Without a Christlike mindset we will always see conflict as something to avoid, or something to win. And that’s never going to lead to the life that we desire.

-A Christ-like mindset is based on humility, where we consider the needs of others and put their needs before our own.

Bottom Line:

See every conflict as an opportunity to deepen your love for one another.

Verses for further study/reflection:

Matthew. 5:9

Ephesians 2:14-18

1 Timothy 2:5

Philippians 4:2-23

1 Peter 3:8

1 Peter 4:8

James 1:19-20

Updates on the new Waynesboro campus

God is inviting us to step out in faith to plant a Spanish-speaking campus in the Waynesboro community. Join us on the journey!

Check out the link below for more information and for frequent updates throughout the journey.

Waynesboro

Giving at COTN

If you ever have questions or need help with online giving, please let us know: finance@cotnaz.org Thank you for your partnership in building the Kingdom of Christ as you impact others!

Giving