The Hurdle of Unforgiveness
Recap – Pastor Jared has been sharing over the past few weeks about the hurdles to our faith sharing and asking to evaluate us where we are in these potential hurdles and how they are impeding us?
Are we attempting to live a saved life without actually giving our life to Jesus, have we fully surrendered and received the gift of sanctification that frees us from a desire to live in the depths of sin, and then he reminded us the destruction that even a little bit of sin will bring to our lives (or our water!).
This morning, we will look at another hurdle that often impedes our faith. This hurdle is one that will keep us bound, keep us stuck, cause physical illness, and even paralyze us in hopes to hurt another – the hurdle of unforgiveness.
I don’t want you to stop listening before we even dive in this morning so I want to speak to those of you in the room that may have suffered deep betrayal, hurt, or abuse – whatever your story – forgiveness is essential BUT is not forgetting, it is not validating a persons poor choices. Forgiveness is not an invitation to more hurt, it is an invitation in Christ for healing. It does not even require reconciliation it is an invitation to our release and restoration.
And though it does not require reconciliation with those relationships that need boundaries or are no longer continued at all– I will also remind you that all relationships this side of heaven at some point will require forgiveness – even the best ones.
PRAY
When I heard we were going to tackle hurdles to our faith – I chuckled as I remembered in middle school being asked by a friend if I would run track with her and be on her hurdle relay team – I think that is what its called. We ran with our batons and passed it as we also ran and jumped over the hurdles. We even went home with a metal from a huge track and field event that we had the opportunity to participate in. Wow! Cant you just see me jumping over hurdles with ease? Me neither, not now. It is only a fond memory, and I can only think of the physical pain that would result if I attempted anything remotely like that now. For me it feels more like a wall than difficulty or an obstacle.
Do we feel the same way about forgiving those in our lives that have wronged us. It is more than a hurdle – it’s a wall, it feels impossible. You may be thinking to yourself, You don’t know what I’ve been through, what they did, what they said – if I forgive I will give freedom to hurt me again, it will validate their behavior, or they don’t deserve it.
Forgiveness is a gift … a gift I just can’t give them.
And for those moments you carry – I am truly sorry. This is a tough message but one with deep hope on the other side.
FORGIVENESS is a GIFT that we have all been given the opportunity to receive, and one we CERTAINLY don’t deserve.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed”.
We have all been given opportunity for forgiveness of our sins through his name – through his wounds. All of us simply by believing, by receiving.
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace. Ephesians 1:7
This is the foundation of our faith – the gift we are given through Christ. He bought our redemption by his blood, his sacrifice allows for the forgiveness of our sin according to the riches of His incredible, indescribable grace. We have (present tense) redemption as we say yes to him and invite him in.
If you have not received him as your Savior – that is the most important message of forgiveness that you should hear this morning. He died to provide forgiveness for our sins, to provide redemption when we do not deserve it, when we will never deserve it. That’s what makes it the greatest gift.
Receiving this gift available to us is foundational to our Christian faith.
As we walk out our journey, recipients of this grace, we will be faced with our own decisions to forgive.
You may feel the nudge of the holy spirit in you saying okay it’s your turn! You know the elbow nudge that parents give their kids when they want them to listen to what the Pastor is saying or want to spur them on to take a step of courage toward what is good?
Let’s take a look at scripture.
Join me in Matthew 18:21-35
– key verses will be on the screen
Matthew 18:21-35
New International Version
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Now, lets flip back a few chapters to Matthew 6 where we find Jesus giving his sermon on the mount – specifically in verse 9 – 13 where he gives us the Lords prayer – every line giving us a direction as to a child
Its says
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
but deliver us from the evil one.[b]’
And goes on to say:
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
This my friends is a command for those of us in Christ. It is a command and any command he gives – He will equip us and we can trust it is for our good.
He does not direct us this way to harm us but to heal us.
This command ultimately is for our freedom.
What if we say no ?
What does it look like to remain in unforgiveness?
Take a look at this picture on the screen. This is a picture of Kudzu – this is an ornamental plant intended for shading porches, and later promoted in the 1930s-1950s as a crucial solution for soil erosion control.
While now considered a major invasive pest in the U.S., it was initially treated as a beneficial agricultural tool. It is now known as “the vine that ate the south”.
I remember as a little girl seeing this along sections of route 11 in the little town I grew up in – always fascinated at how it covered everything.
It starts out as this small plant with one intended purpose to shade and protect. and then it becomes a invasive vine that overtakes forests, structures, and all the beauty around it. It overtakes the trees by smothering them, blocking sunlight, and creating excessive weight that breaks branches or uproots them.
Unforgiveness is the root of bitterness and just like we see here, it takes over, it festers and it suffocates us both physically, emotionally, and spiritually – we become just like these trees… trapped.
HURDLES
Physically – this root – it will make us ill. Bitterness settles in as anger and resentment. It causes us to live in constant in a mode of fight or flight. Leading to constant changes in our heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. These changes increase the effects of depression, heart disease and diabetes. Now not everyone suffering from these illnesses are the result of unforgiveness – but for many it is the very reason.
Emotional bondage becomes another trap. We believe we are holding something over another for hurting us – causing them some sort of discomfort, vengeance or harm – when truly we are not at all – the only person we are hurting is ourself. It can cause us to be harsh, sarcastic, condemning – leading to nasty distorted thinking toward others…even toward those it is not intended for.
Have you ever heard the quote? “Holding onto anger/unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
And this bitter root of unforgiveness also effects our spiritual life in a crippling way– hindering our relationship with God – causing us to miss his grace.
Holding on to unforgiveness depletes our ability to have peace and joy.
We live in a cycle of judgement and condemnation – missing yet again out on the mercy our Savior desire to show us.
James 2:12-13 says
Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
And ultimately, it will hinder our connection and conversation with Jesus. These effects my friends are soul injuries.
So lets revisit our Matthew text…
First we saw Peter asking – how many times do I have to forgive my brother or sister if they sin against me?
He asks 7x?
No – replies the Lord 70 x7.
Jesus is correcting Peter here – saying, “STOP! Forgiveness should not be limited by a number. Essentially, he is saying “as many times as it takes”. Limitless forgiveness.
He then gave a view of what the kingdom of heaven is like – a king who forgave a servants unfathomable-crippling debt (200,000 years’ worth of wages) and then when the servant had a the opportunity to forgive a debt that was 600,000 times less than the debt he was just forgiven- he refused.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
We are reminded that our Lord us expects us to forgive as he forgives – even when forgiving seems unfathomable.
As we saw in the Sermon on the Mount he repeats this command to us, when he teaches us to pray…
Lets pray the Lords prayer together using phrases debts and debtors.
Right in the middle of the prayer where we are being taught to pray – the importance of forgiveness is reiterated. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.
Our release, our forgiveness matters.
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
What would it look like today if the only forgiveness and grace you received was the same grace and forgiveness you gave others?
You know the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” … the one we sang on the playground but along the way we discovered it was a lie. We don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt – we just don’t want to hold onto the offense so it continues to hurt us more.
Forgiven people, forgive people. -Dave Wilson
What has a greater impact in our lives, the abundant grace of forgiveness God has given us or the root of unforgiveness living in us.
Forgiveness is not a condition of our salvation, but a expectation as a result of the gift we have been given in Him. (REPEAT)
If the unwillingness to forgive grips us – it begs us to ask if we fully grasp what he has done for us in Christ.
This command is ultimately to our benefit because our Lord wants us to live in freedom, peace, and on a path to healing. He again will be our help through the power of his holy spirit. WE can simply begin by asking him to search our hearts.
Lets watch this together. – PRODIGAL SON VIDEO
Our Lord does not ask us to forgive to hurt us – he asks us to forgive for our healing and his glory. He says hang out your white sheet, pull up the roots of bitterness – I have more for you. As we sing, lean into him – pressing in trusting him to meet you here.
The alters are open as we sing – there will be people in the back to pray with you.